First thing’s first: My trip to Target today included a mad dash to collect what I needed and get out because Eleanor has entered the stage in which she yells, “WALK! WALK! WALK!” while arching her back & being generally pissed off at being in the stroller*. Her mood transferred to Toby and Callista, so the trip was an extended game of Will This Make You Happy?, and the checkout line I chose didn’t have any Time magazines.
SO. I haven’t read the full article yet.
BUT, I bet few talking fast and furiously about it today have. In a fast-paced world where we knee-jerk reactions rule and news comes from headlines, I wonder if many will read the full article or if they’ll just bitch about extended breastfeeding vs. plain breastfeeding vs. breastmilk vs. formula vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. generation vs. doctors vs. the whole world that is just out to get me and make me feel like I’m not doing enough even though ohmygoodnessifIdoanymoreI’llmeltintoapuddleofoverdonegoo.
Deep breaths, people.
Time Magazine’s cover photo and story teasers aren’t meant to fan any flames. They aren’t meant to spark any self doubt. They’re meant to draw you in and get you to read about attachment parenting, a parenting method that, quite honestly, sounds like too much for me.
So, no. I’m not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.
That’s what the story teaser asks, and that’s my answer.
Not, “Mind your business, Time Magazine! I’m mom enough for you!” or “I’m just as much of a mom as Jaime Lynn Grumet, even though I’m not breastfeeding my 3-year-old son!” or even “I’m enough of a mom, and I’ve never breastfed a day in my life!”
This isn’t about how mothers measure up against each other. It isn’t about measuring up at all. It’s about our individual value systems and to what extent we decided to tie physical bonds with our children. Mommy wars aren’t created by magazine covers. They’re created by moms who doubt their own choices then attack others who are different just because they’re threatened by self doubt. Mommy wars aren’t against each other. They’re against ourselves, and that’s why no one ever wins.
Attachment parenting isn’t for me. It doesn’t make me less of a mom or even not enough of a mom because I don’t sleep with my triplets or wear my them a majority of the time (* like today, when two rode in the stroller pushed by my mom and one rode in the shopping cart pushed by me) or because I have let them cry (Yeah, I still breastfeed my near-18-month-old triplets, but one trait doesn’t qualify me as an APer.)
I’m just not interested in doing the attached-mom thing that much. Two snaps up to parents (because it’s not just moms) who put the time and effort into subscribing to attachment parenting. You have a different definition of Mom than I do, and it requires more giving of personal space than I’m willing to give.
I’m “mom enough” for my family, but I’m just not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.
If you’re one of those who think Time Magazine is questioning whether or not you’re enough of a mom, why don’t you believe in yourself in your ability as a mom and say, “Yes! Thank you for setting up this pat on my back today! I am enough!”
If you’re a good mom, you are enough, and you don’t need a magazine to spark self doubt. Exude the confidence I know you want to teach your children (a lesson taught by good moms everywhere), and mentally fist bump moms everywhere for being good for our families.
If you aren’t a good mom … well, perhaps you should step away from social media and work on that.
I meant to stay out of this, and dammit if I just couldn’t keep my trap shut, then USA Today and Huffington Post grabbed my tweets. Do you think this counts toward my now-dusty journalist résumé? No? Darn.